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If you’re from a higher education institution where PMS stands for Partner Medical School instead of pre-menstrual syndrome, MMS stands for Medical Museum Sessions instead of Multimedia Messaging Service, LT stands for Lecture Theater instead of Lieutenant and ME is the standard prefix for the ID number of the majority of the students, than I first of all have to congratulate you. You have finally uncovered my closet blog, which wasn’t that hard to uncover in the first place.

It also means that I really need to create a real closet blog, so I can do all my… ermmm….. closet blogging there.

Jokes aside, yes, I know. The blog has been collecting dust for a total of twelve months now. I needed some time to write, and of course, some fodder to write about. Of course, after an entire year of leave, some of my best work is finally ready, and I present to you my compilation of posts from over an entire year.

I have to admit, they are not in chronological order, so try not to scratch your head too hard if you don’t understand the logic behind my posts, or rather the logic behind the order of my posts. Also, if I don’t sound coherent, leave behind a comment.

I’ll try to get back to you sometime this year.

Here comes the longest series of posts…

Giving

The season for giving has just finished. Or rather the commercial world wants you to think that. Christmas is, in one way, the season for giving, but that’s for another post. While most of us might only give presents to one another during Christmas (and obviously, during birthdays), whenever we have social interactions, we are giving, in one way or another.

We give our opinions to others, whether solicited or otherwise, when we interact socially. We give advice, views, directions, hints, encouragement, information and other assorted information when we interact.

However, when we interact, we interact not only through our words, but also through our actions. Body language, face gestures, hand movements and even eye movements also signal our pleasure or displeasure. But let’s not get too caught up with direct, verbal communication and its associated actions.

I’m talking about communication via actions. There is an old saying, going something like “actions speak louder than words”. Well, tell that to anyone who has to pass a message without saying a word.

When university students get together and are bored, i.e. when they are at a Christian Fellowship meeting, they come up with all sorts of games. One game in particular, which was apparently a hit during the CF camp last year, was one involving passing messages from one person to another without saying a single word.

Some of you have probably played it before. However, for those of you who are unenlightened, I’ll enlighten you now. The person at the head of a row is given a message which he or she is to pass down to the next person. The catch is he (or she) can’t use words.

The poor soul must act out the message for the next person to copy and pass on. While the message passing is taking place, everyone else who is not involved has to turn and look in the opposite direction.

At the end of the row, the person must guess the initial content of the message.

Needless to say, this is a lot harder than the traditional version of passing the message. While in the traditional version, all one has to do is listen and talk, in this version, one has to watch another act out the message, interpret it correctly, and act out the message to another.

Kind of a hard message to give another person, don’t you think so?

As if that isn’t hard enough, some people (Girls, actually. No, I’m not being sexist. I’m just saying that there’s no cross dressing) wear clothing which does not help them, particularly in this case. It is not that the clothing is indecent, it’s just that the clothing hinders their ability to perform maximally in this case.

I’ll highlight one example for explanation.

One fine day, the CF saw it fit to play this game, as a penalty for people who were at the wrong place at the wrong time. After one round (and after everyone else having a good laugh at their attics), a call went out to the crowd to volunteer for the game.
As you might expect, yours truly did not volunteer for the game, for had no intention of being so publicly and voluntarily laughed at. The time will come (indeed, the time has already come), but as for that time, I had no intention of making a fool of myself.

So the group of volunteers assembled together. After the first person was given a message, it was passed on to the next person, and the one after that.

Then it hit a snag.

As she was wearing a skirt, it wasn’t exactly easy for her to mimic the actions of the two people in front of her in the line. So she performed a few extra actions to get the action right.

At which point the whole message was lost in translation, and everyone (including those who had already acted out, excluding those who had yet to act out), was laughing their heads off.

After the message was given to the last person, and a hint given to him (Movie), he proceeded to give a guess way off tangent. Then the initial act was shown, at which point the whole CF understood immediately what all the machine-like movement was all about.

Moral of the story: If you‘re a girl, never wear a skirt to CF. You might be asked to do certain things or give certain bits of information, and wearing a skirt is at the very least, a hindrance; at most, an epic disadvantage.

If you’re a guy, you better not wear a skirt if you plan to go to CF. Otherwise, the whole CF will start praying for you earnestly when you walk in.

Seriously though, the focus is not on what you wear to CF (though I am serious about the guy part). Just before the volunteers started their “tour of duty”, a number of senior changed their positions from the back of the room to the middle of the room.

As they went by, I could hear them say what they wanted to do, or rather, see.

“I don’t want to act. I only want to laugh.”

While it is natural that all of us want to have a good laugh at someone, this got me thinking. While all of us want a good laugh, what about the poor sods who have to go out and give us something to laugh at? They, too, need a good laugh.

Just as they give us a good laugh, we too need to return the favour, specifically, there are probably times when we should go out, volunteer for a stupid stunt and spread the laughter around.

Not everyone enjoys being comic relief for the whole group. Some people enjoy being the “life” of the party, and are just sporting that way. Others, don’t mind being laughed at, and just laugh along. Still other, however, might not mind being the target for long, but it doesn’t come naturally to them, and they need a good laugh from someone else

I think it is unfair that the same people do all the laughing, and that another group of people do all the laughing at. While it would reflect poorly on everyone if a schedule was drawn up for who to be laughed at and when, it should occur to everyone that there will come a time when one would need to go up and do something funny, for the needs of the many.

Besides, we’re all going to be laughed at in a more serious environment (the workplace) soon. If we’re going to learn to take it in stride, what better place than where we give others laughter freely?

After all, “actions speak louder than words”. And giving is always “better” than receiving. If we learn to take it in stride, what better place than where we give others laughter freely?

After all, “actions speak louder than words”. And giving is always “better” than receiving. If we learn to spread humour around, we might learn to receive it better too.

Blood Giving

Every semester in the IMU, a blood donation is conducted. For those who are able, it is not at the optimum frequency; as blood can be donated once every three months, one would have to “source” for a blood donation drive to join in between donations at IMU.

That being said, most people would take up the option to donate blood if given a chance.

I know I would.

For the longest time, I had wanted to donate blood. However, we can’t give away pieces of our body until we are legally able to do so. As only majors can do so, different legislative jurisdictions have different regulations on the giving away of bits and pieces of your body.

In Malaysia, for example, one is only eligible to donate blood after the age of 17, not inclusive of 17 years of age. Other legislative jurisdictions have different age limits. Some limit it to those above 16, others to those who have been given permission by their legal guardians for those 16 years of age with various restrictions in different countries.

So when the blood donation campaign came to IMU, I wanted to donate my blood. Everyone around me was talking about donating blood, about how many times they’ve donated or about how this would be their first time donating. But I knew better.

The last I heard, most of my family can’t donate blood. I found that for the lamest of lame reasons (which I will not go into here), I couldn’t do so.

But just to be sure, I checked out the blood bank’s website for their guidelines. And to my utter “amazement”, the guidelines for our Malaysian blood bank were hard to find.

So I decided to go round to other blood banks and see what their regulations were like. After going through most of the developed world, I came to the conclusion that the only countries that would want my blood are countries I would not likely visit, or countries which had endemic problems, and similar concerns.

Then I decided to go back to the Malaysian blood bank website. If I’m going to make a case to not donate my blood, it better be solid. Otherwise, certain people (especially those who donate blood) will be breathing down my neck in an attempt to get me to donate my blood.

So I combed the website thoroughly this time round. And after a brief search, I found the guidelines for donating blood.

This time, however, I found exactly what I was (or was not) looking for.

Excellent. I am now legally obliged to not donate blood.

Which left me swearing up, down, left, right and centre.

Blood consists of a variety of substances. Apart from red and white blood cells, as well as platelets, blood also has plasma. In the plasma, there is water, nutrients, waste products and building blocks for the body. One of the major building blocks for the body is protein.

After the vCJD scare in the UK in the 1990s, there was a blanket ban on people who had lived in the UK from donating blood. However, a few years after the scares subsided, the bans were revoked, for most people who would have been affected would have already had developed the disease. Recently, however, a number of people who received blood transfusions from people who had vCJD developed the disease and subsequently died.

vCJD is caused by abnormally folded proteins in the brain. As there are proteins in the blood, it would not be impossible for these proteins in the brain to be transmitted from person to person via blood. While transmission is possible, penetration is not; not everyone who received a blood transfusion from someone who eventually developed vCJD eventually developed vCJD, but the risk is still there.

Nevertheless, to prevent the general public from being exposed to vCJD, most blood banks now bar people who might have the slightest inkling of developing vCJD from donating.

Including your truly.

To be sure, I took a look at the form which was distributed to potential blood donors before they donated blood, and right at the back, there was a declaration one had to make. Looks like they really are serious. While other countries are more interested in whether you are healthy or not, we are more serious about a degenerative brain disease.

That was the final nail in the coffin.

In any case, I can’t donate blood. I’m not too sure whether I can donate my organs, either. As there is no effective treatment for vCJD and no definitive test for vCJD, it would probably be this way for the rest of my lifespan.

Despite the many proclamations about blood donation, and about it being the gift of life, many still refuse to donate blood. Only one guy from the people I was oriented with donated blood; the rest were girls. Sure, some of the guys had airtight reasons for not doing so; three of us are legally obliged to not donate blood, while one had a basketball match the next day.

But there were still two more guys who could, and refused, for goodness knows what reason.

The complete irony is this. Of those who are able to donate blood, no one wishes to donate blood for lame reasons; fear being the primary one. I mean, “The girls are donating blood you chickens!!” (other words I would normally use are inappropriate to be displayed here). Do you think you’re the only one who is scared?! At least you have a choice about whether you want to donate your blood or not!?

The second half (which is even more ironical) is that of those who can’t donate blood, all would have been more than willing to part with half a litre of intravascular fluid. Nevertheless, they couldn’t.

With all that’s said and done, if you are eligible to donate blood, I would encourage you to donate blood. The blood bank is perpetually short of blood, and not everyone can donate (including yours truly).

If you can’t and you do, I would like to know how you pulled that off, though I would also like to know whether you put someone else at risk for doing something virtuous.

If you can and you do, keep it up! At least you’re doing something.

If you can’t and you won’t, then start hounding your friends who can. I don’t know any good methods, but I;m going to come up with some ideas over the holidyas.

If you can but you don’t… I’ll be after your blood.

*Laughs evilly*

Shoot

Good shots are hard to come by.

It takes a lot to be a good sniper. To get a good shot, one needs to make sure that one takes a position where one’s target will be passing by, in such a position that one would be able to take a good shot off the person in question.

And then there’s the fact that one has to understand the limitations of one’s armory. One has to understand the tendencies of one’s equipment, and how to overcome setbacks in the environment by adjusting one’s equipment appropriately. Knowing one’s target is important, but knowing one’s self is even more important.

Especially when taking photos.

Yes, people, I’m talking about taking photos, candid ones to be precise, and I am not talking about those pesky people who shoot at you from some obscure corner of the map which you will never look at (in simple English, they are called snipers).

Photos are used to capture memories. Some of us can remember exactly every sensation going through our body when we recall a certain day, but for those of us who are not blessed with such great self awareness, photos help us recall days gone by.

As such, when one takes photos, one has to consider why one is taking those photos: is it to remind oneself of where one has been or what one was done?

If it is the former, posing is ok; you’re only reminding yourself you have been somewhere and done something before. If it is the latter, then I personally find candid photos more suitable.

Then again, one may ask, why candid photos? They are proof of us in awkward positions, which we have no desire of letting others know…

Well, that’s where I take a different stance. Anyone can take a photo which has been posed for. However, it is photos which have been taken while one is unprepared for, photos of one in more natural positions, achieved by either hiding the camera or by deceiving the target, which generate photos which have some value, other than the obvious.

Candid photos can capture a lot; the gravity of a situation, the surprised look one has on one’s face, the things one did (or does) in class (or at work), amongst other things. By nature, candid photos mean that the target does not know that he or she is not being shot at.

However, people sometimes react a bit foolishly in front of a camera. When they suddenly find themselves facing a camera, they take drastic measures to cover their face.

Often, this has hilarious results.

The problem is not putting people in this position. I have found many a classmate who was all too willing to put herself (generally) in a compromising position. The problem is remembering to push the shutter once I have the target between my sights.

During orientation, I was talking to one of my friends, who had already sat down. As I pretended to be unable to hear her, she bent over backwards and started talking to me. I then pulled out my camera to shoot her while she was doing this.

Almost reflexively, she pulled out her handphone pouch and covered her mouth, at the same time closing her eyes. I pushed the shutter halfway, let it autofocus, then thought about whether I should press the shutter or not. In the end, I didn’t depress the shutter completely.

I should have pressed the shutter completely that day.

Well, this whether is a candid photo or not, is not really up to me. In my opinion, it is. Some may say it is not; she reacted towards the presence of the camera. To me, it is; her reaction was natural, uncoordinated, but most important of all, spontaneous.

However, it is remembering, and differentiating those actions which can be troublesome. In the split second one has to shoot, one has to consider whether the shot taken is worth the memory on the card, as well as the drain it has on the battery.

When one wants to take candid photos exclusively, this becomes troublesome as one has to figure out whether their reaction to the camera is spontaneous or not. Planned reactions make the “candid” photo as good as a photo in which everyone poses. Spontaneous reactions make for very good, though intriguing candid photos.

Looking back, I keep thinking of what could be had I pulled the shutter that day. One more photo of her, in a position rarely thought of or seen…

Well, there is more to candid photos than awkward positions. While there might not be much worth in the boring look on someone’s face, sometimes, when one goes through one’s catch for the day, some photos can be pretty interesting, even shots of people doing the most mundane of mundane things.

Shooting candid photos is also an art. While most of my shots are just taken randomly, there are times when I actively look out an opportunity to take a good shot of someone doing something incriminating.

Such as sleeping in class.

These are about as candid as they get. They don’t know that a shot of them is being taken, and the position they choose is not voluntarily chosen. Sure, it might be comfortable, but the contorted look on one’s face as one sleeps can be so amusing when taken in the right light.

Looking back, there were so many instances where I feel like saying, “Shoot, I should have taken a shot of that.” But time, opportunity and shots go by, never again to come.

I guess I have to make do with what I already have.

Hiding In Plain Sight

Of all the human senses we have, it is sight which we probably find the most useful. Sure, a sense of balance helps us keep our heads above our feet, a sense of taste helps us figure out what tastes good and what does not, a sense of smell helps our sense of taste along, a sense of touch helps us be in touch with our surroundings, and a sense of hearing allows us to enjoy music, apart from listening for anomalies.

However, seeing someone or something is one thing. Using one’s sensory input to come up with some output, usually carried out by our muscles, to solve a problem is a completely different thing altogether.

It is a completely amazing phenomenon. People in the top 1.55 percentiles of the country (among those who are eligible for entrance into public universities, that is) are unable to put two and two together, despite potential solutions to their problems staring them in the face, or rather, in this case, sitting with them at the same table. They see, but don’t look, or rather, don’t want to look. Or maybe it’s just they don’t see.

In the movie “The Sixth Sense”, the boy who is able to ghosts says that ghosts only see what they want to see. Maybe that is not only true of the ghosts in the movie, but also true of humanity in general. People only see what they want to see. They don’t look beneath, or look beyond the skin. Sometimes, it is absolutely exasperating; their potential solutions might be sitting right next to them, but they either refuse to see them, or they just refuse to acknowledge them as potential solutions.

Beggars can’t be choosers. As Spock of Star Trek has said more than once (in different universes, but that’s another story) “When everything else has been excluded, then whatever impossible, no matter how impossible, becomes possible”. When we run out of options, any option which we have should be exercised. This is what I call pulling out all the stops; we go all out to solve a particular problem. We consider any and all possibilities for the problem and also any and all solutions to the problem.

So I find it bizarre that there are still people who refuse to try every single solution when it comes to solving their problems, even when they are desperate. How hard is it to try every single solution? If you don’t succeed, you would have lost nothing; if you do succeed, you get to solve your problem.

No wonder our graduates aren’t the best in the world. Even at Pre-U level, their judgment, or rather problem solving skills leave much to be desired.

Malaysians are excellent complainers, but we never really take a look at ourselves in the mirror. We accuse each other of racism, yet do nothing to curb this problem among our families, or even ourselves. Racism is just one way of discriminating. No wonder as we get older, we get more and more judgmental; brought up in a society which lives together but yet is not united, we discriminate. So when we choose who to invite for social activities and who not to, we discriminate some more.

When we decide who to invite for a particular event, we sometimes have to choose who we want. Some events are meant to be attended by everyone in a particular social grouping; others are not. For the former, we invite indiscriminately, for the latter we choose who we want. Sometimes, it is perfectly understandable when we don’t get chosen for the other; lack of space, different social grouping considered, etc. However, when there is a lack of participants, and one is looking for people in the wider social group, one should consider everyone.

Not many people in Malaysia volunteer to do anything; answering questions, taking up positions, giving opinions. The list goes on, but the principle is the same – if you want someone to do something, or join you on an adventure, you have to invite them, or at the very least, give an open invitation. We don’t gatecrash, or volunteer our presence for anything at all. If we are not asked, we won’t move forward. Why? Due to the fact that we are trying to avoid a paiseh situation. More than that, most people who organize these gatherings only expect to see the people they invite present. Turning up uninvited is frowned upon, and no one likes to be in such a position.

Sometimes, our solutions play a game with us. They hide when we need them most. It’s the important document we have somehow misplaced, which we can’t see, but we know is somewhere in the vicinity. We need to get it fast, and we look again and again, but we still can’t find it.

When we are searching for it, we swear as heavily as possible, desperately finding it while the clock ticks away on us. It is so near, yet so far.

However, many a time our solutions are hiding in plain sight. It’s the method we don’t consider, but which we do know of that will solve our mathematical conundrum (normally this method is completing the square). It’s the place we forget to look, or take for granted is empty, where we will find our misplaced yet important documents.

They are right there, but we just don’t look at them, or consider the possibility they are there, even when all else is lost.

And when we find it, we take time to bask in our success of finding the item, and spend more time making sure the item won’t get lost again, even when we have a dozen other things to do, and regardless of how heavily we swore at our negligence or the item’s tendency to get lost.

But most importantly, it’s the people we forget to ask, yet who are sitting right next to us, eating at the same table with us, discussing where to go to university next, who will be the ones who we would able to drag to a social gathering.

Did I say “would”? Actually , it’s more like “could”, as most of the time, we are a tad too late by the time we realize it. People move on, finding groups who actually care about them, or who treat everyone equally (to a certain extant). People drift away. Relationships weaken, bonds weaken. Time and distance do what no problem can.

So the next time you have to consider another solution, look at the periphery. Expand your horizons. Look towards the sky, as who knows? Your solution could be found on another horizon.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re looking for solutions, things or people. Some are just waiting to be asked, or chosen.

So use your eyes. And your head. And don’t just see.

Analyze. Compute. Think.

Because,” They are right there, but we just don’t look at them, or consider the possibility they are there, even when all else is lost.”

Susah

Would you volunteer information needlessly, even if your group can benefit from it?

Well, I had this question in my mind for a split second during my second day in the IMU, and during my first day of official orientation.

Every group needs a leader, and depending on who you talk to, there are either born leaders or everyone is a leader. But when a group of people, who share nothing in common except for the fact that they are thrown together into a group simply because they are doing the same course, who on earth is going to take the lead?

There are many reasons why potential, optimal or aspiring leaders don’t take the lead in these positions (I’m not saying I am any of the three). First is the fact that we don’t want to “reign supreme” over all our new found acquaintances, then of course there’s the fact that we want to know who has a preference for who, then there’ s the fact that we know that if we lead, and screw it up, we would get an earful from everyone who we are (and possibly, were) leading.

So a more arbitrary method is chosen to choose leaders. Well, what better way to choose a leader than to choose someone who has already led. So my Chief OO (Chief Orientation Officer, basically, senior in charge of orientating my group) asked, ”Who was a prefect in high school?”

One of my Orientation Group (OG) members stood up and admitted he was indeed a prefect.

I couldn’t have asked for a better leader. Yes, on the first day he was a bit kayu; but then again, wouldn’t any of us be? Once everyone warms up to each other, gets to know everyone better and the like, leading becomes more natural, less authoritarian, more democratic. I couldn’t have asked for a better person to lead us through orientation.

To this day, he’s been the leader, boss in a way. As people and dynamics change, the balance of power may change; so far it has not. While he doesn’t essentially lead, he does coordinate the activities the rest of the group participates in.

Okay, so maybe I shouldn’t have lied during orientation (lying or not telling the whole story are two different things, but I’ll just call it what it is here) though I do have my reasons; the guy who eventually did become the leader was everyone one could ask for; charismatic, sporting, able to get along with the seniors, down to earth, not your bound by rules kind of guy. Then of course was the fact that I wasn’t a prefect while I was in high school; I was a prefect in secondary school, yes, but when I hit Form 6 I didn’t rejoin any Prefect Board. High school in the US usually refers to the period of time before you leave school, so…

So I stood aside, when it counted, and I doubt any better result could have come out by me not standing aside. At least standing aside in this situation was easy. It required completely no action on my part, and as I was under no obligation to do so, this is easy.

Learning to speak at the right time is also hard. If you’re reading this, you probably know me well enough to know that I don’t go around talking to every Tom, Dick and Harry without sufficient reason. Even then, frequent social interaction has turned me from an introvert to a forced extrovert, but when I find myself like a fish out of water, I revert to an introvert.

The only problem with talking when it doesn’t come naturally is that I talk too much, or that sometimes, I say the wrong things at the wrong time. I kinda shoot my mouth off too fast, too frequently.

Firstly there are times when I have to say something about someone and I find myself at a loss of words to say. Then, of course, as the situation dictates that I say something, I say whatever comes to mind.

And it usually is not the best thought out answer. Such is the joy of answering questions when one is under pressure during orientation.

Then of course, there are the times when I jump in when I shouldn’t be. Sometimes people ask for information regarding a situation; one which I am not in neither have I been through. However, I have been told what the situation was like by someone who was in the situation (for the purposes of this article, I’ll call him the content expert). So when one asks for information on the situation, I’ll naturally volunteer information, instead of letting the “content expert” give the information instead.

So, contrary to common belief, shutting up can be and is an essential ability. We not only need to learn when to talk, how to talk and what to say, but we also need to learn when to shut up. I guess it does not mean that we have to be talking all the time; we need to understand that there are certain situations when talking is unnecessary, and when keeping silent would enable someone to gain the appropriate amount of information from the correct source, and at the same time giving said source the appropriate amount of recognition.

Well, in these cases, shutting up and standing aside is an option we always retain the right to exercise. With practice, meaning more social interaction, we tend to get the times right; we tend to learn when to keep quiet and when to speak up.

So what is so hard, one may ask? Read on…

It is one thing to keep quiet and watch when we have the option to. When it is just a matter of ensuring that the right people get chosen to do the right thing, or that the right people get the right amount (as well as quality) of information from someone, yes, keeping quiet and watching is easy to do.

It is not so easy to do when one’s body is telling, urging, pestering one to do otherwise.

As humans, we have been given certain… urges… in lieu of words less pleasant to the human ears (or rather, to human eyes). At the age when humans in general are able to reproduce the best, they see things about people in the other gender. In this day and age, it is more than just body structure and smell. There is also personality, intelligence, values, and to some, spirituality.

Suffice to say, most (not all, unfortunately) men fall for women. Including yours truly.

So what do you do when you see everything you want to see in a member of the opposite sex (in this occasion, a girl, to avoid any possible confusion), who just so happens to be someone you know, who shares similar values, interests…

Absolutely nothing.

There are many reasons for me to not pursue a relationship. I could probably give a whole wall of text on how it won’t work out, from personalities, to distance, to faith, to overzealous seniors... The list could go on and on.

But telling myself it won’t work out is the easy part. Functioning as a normal student/just a friend to one who I definitely have feelings for is another story altogether.

It is hard to shut up when I see her every day. Sitting together in awkward silence is the worst thing one can do while in between lectures, especially with so many people around me. Not to say that talking is a necessity, but then it still beats just sitting and doing nothing.

So not small talking isn’t easy; it’s one thing to refuse to (or rather, in this case, to refrain from) small talk, maybe due to the lack of similarities; it’s completely different one to refuse to answer questions altogether. One might even say it is rude. Ignoring others when they are asking a question is hard enough already. Try ignoring one who you have feelings for, who you feel just as obliged to help as the every other person you see in lecture every day. No, it’s actually you feel more obligated than normal. But then again, that’s just my hormones speaking.

Of course, there is more than just lectures to an IMU medical students life. There’s MOFA, OLIS, MMS, PBL and PBL research for starters. Then, of course there is hanging out; from hanging out in the library to the cafeteria, to hanging out in the PBL rooms, to hanging out at the end of the day for dinner and stuff like that.

It goes without saying that should one go out, one is expected to talk. I stayed quiet once, not out of choice or because I was experimenting, but because I was feeling embarrassed (more on that some other time). So if one goes out with a group of friends, one is expected to talk. At least a bit.

That’s when I go out with my OG. I haven’t even started when I go for CF, or other activities.

I hope that I have established without reasonable doubt that shutting up is not easy, or, at this point, feasible. There is, of course, standing aside to consider. However, when one openly admits to not studying, not paying attention, not doing revision, not reading ahead and then sits with people who he or she does not wish to talk with, one is looking for trouble.

Wait. I got one part wrong. I don’t go looking for a chance to sit next to her. Normally she decides to sit next to me. Great…

Ok, she doesn’t always choose to sit next to me; sometimes, the inverse does happen. When I’m very late, and the area which I normally prefer (and somehow, coincidentally, she does) to sit at is taken up I have sat next to her (There was a space! What do you want me to do? Sit next to some random guy?) or I prefer to sit elsewhere. And then there was the time I chose to sit next to her for the second lecture…

But then again, it is a natural reaction for any of us. We sit next to people whom we know, and we feel comfortable with, taking into account other factors, such as position relative to the screen, and power sockets, and also, occasionally, proximity to the fire exits. It’s just that reason that makes it hard for me to stand aside completely; if you’re sitting in an area which the other person likes sitting as well, he or she is bound to sit next to you.

Of course, there is more than one way to stand aside. I could choose instead to refrain from joining activities she is involved in, but why on earth should I stand aside when we have a common interest, or a common calling? Well, there aren’t too many similarities at the moment, but with both of us (Only. From our OG, that is. Sigh….) going to CF, that makes standing aside virtually impossible. Not to mention the days when I go out to jog.

Sigh… if only if life were less complicated…

Well, I guess shutting up and/or standing aside will never be easy. That’s why:

Shut
Up and
Stand
Aside,
Han

I hope you can see my point now.

And even though I want to, I find it hard to do. Yeah, I’ve been told by some of my seniors, some other guy is after her (one of my OOs, unfortunately). I’m doing all I can to make sure he gets his best shot. The only thing I can’t do is kill off these feelings for her. Seriously, how does one expect a guy to kill off his feelings for a girl? It’s not like I wanted to fall for her, or was chasing her in the first place. It’s just some random thing…

Which is now so hard to kill off completely…

Not At Stake

“Relax. Your salvation is not at stake.”

- Uncle Herbert, JS 2009.

If you know who I am talking about, then it is time you reflect about what God has said through him, and maybe also about what you have been doing with your life, money and time recently. If you don’t, then just read on. I’m just quoting from my mentor in JS ’09. I’ll show how this quote is relevant later.

In JS, we have got quizzes at the end of every week. Early on in JS, Uncle Herbert told me that the quizzes were just used as methods to see how much we’ve learnt, how the syllabus is working, and how effective the sessions were at teaching us what we are supposed to learn at JS. They were not a means by which any one of us would be more or less favoured, nor would getting less than half the marks in any one test mean that we would be asked to withdraw from JS. Basically, instead of using a feedback form, JS uses a “test”.

On another occasion, I was talking with my MYF VP (in English, that’s the vice president of my church’s youth fellowship). As he is also a Senior (secondary school level) Sunday School Teacher, I had a chat with him about the syllabus for Fifth and Forth Formers at Senior Sunday School.

As Methodists, we make sure that all members of the church (at their reception into membership, at least) know certain things, such as the attributes of God, the behavior expected of a church member, and the knowledge of Methodism. In the “open” classes, we are expected to read the text for us before going for the class, when we are supposed to ask questions so that we may clear up any doubts regarding our faith before we get baptized or reaffirm our vows.

In the Senior Sunday School classes, however, we aren’t expected to do all that. We are taught what we are supposed to know via a class, and then we have discussions to get our brains working. Thus, there is no way of actually knowing whether students of the Sunday School know what they are doing when they get confirmed or baptized. Apparently, one of the suggestions put forward was that students should get tested on their knowledge before they were allowed to gain membership.

But then again, what does a test test? Sure, it can be a means to differentiate those who know what Christianity and Methodism are all about and those who do not, but it cannot be used to find out whether the examinee has faith in God or not. Anyone can memorise a whole book or two without believing in the content matter, and people with genuine faith could be cut out from the church just because they can’t remember some lines. Is this a true reflection of what the church should be, when the Discipline clearly states that membership should be granted to all who love Jesus Christ, seek to repent their sins and save themselves from the wrath to come?

Needless to say, that idea didn’t go through either. Even if that idea did go through, I would tell anyone who failed the “test” that their salvation was not at stake; faith and head knowledge aren’t the same thing.

Well, it is one thing to say that if you fail a test you could end up in…. umm…. eternal punishment, for need of a better word. This brings me to the most recent incident where salvation has been tied to some activity or other.

Orientation in IMU is tiring. Well, not as tiring (or dirty) as it should be (har har har). But then again, that is for someone else to decide. As for me myself, it has been tiring. Dirty, definitely, but there’s been no mud, and apparently, there won’t be any. So much for bringing all my “clothes for destruction”… sigh…

Coming back to the point, orientation isn’t all fun (in a very perverted way, I have to point out) and games. There’s also a fair bit of presentations involved too. This year, we had it easy; one skit and one video. Well, as part of the video is a music video, and for some odd reason, my group decided to choose the Michael Jackson song “Thriller”, my group ended up practicing the dance moves for the video until our legs (as well as other assorted body parts) fell off, until one late Saturday evening. If you’re wondering, that includes yours truly, and if you’re still thinking, no, I’m not going to put a video of that up here. If it’s videos or it didn’t happen, then it didn’t happen. Seriously.

Halfway through our practice, one of the girls had to leave for church. OK, church on Saturday is one thing; I can go on writing for half of the time period known as forever on why church should be on Sunday rather than Saturday, but that’s beside the point. Rather, it was what one of my batchmates told me after I looked at her inquiringly:

“But she hasn’t gone to church for a long time.”

The first thought that came to my mind was the same one I had been exposed to during JS. Specifically, my mentor’s words, which for easy reference are at the top of this post.

I wanted to say something, but how do you tell a non-Christian it is ok for a Christian (a devoted one, while we’re at that) to not go to church? I just smiled… and made a mental note to do the talking myself.

You see, a Christian’s life is not about how much one goes to church, how much one prays, how many camps one has gone to, how many times one has read the Bible, how many people one has led to God, how many people one leads in their walk with God or anything about that.

Yes, praying, mentoring, evangelizing, reading the Bible, going to church and camps are all good things. However, one fact remains: these things don’t get us to heaven. Only Jesus can, or rather, only Jesus did.

I’m not saying it is ok to skip church. I’m saying it is not about church, it’s about Him.

As it always has been.