I pray

Right about now, an abnormally high number of the occupants of Vista Komanwel will be waking up to the sound of alarms, regardless of whether they are clock alarms, watch alarms or everyone’s personal favourite, mobile phone alarms. Most of those who wake up will then make their way to the toilet (hopefully) and proceed to take care of their hygiene. After that, they’ll be in the kitchen eating breakfast.

In ten minute’s time, they would have gathered at the Atrium of the IMU, with their bags packed, their legs ready and their sympathetic system racing (sorry, couldn’t resist) as they prepare to find out what lies ahead in the day ahead.

They’ll then board a bus, and make their way to Taman Melawati, Ampang, for Bukit Tabor (I think). Once there, they’ll begin a hike up to the summit before sunrise, that they may catch the sunrise, and then they’ll make their way back down.

At the other extreme of the spectrum, I’ll be getting some much needed rest when they get onto the bus. I’ll probably be back from comaland when they finish the run back down from the peak, and I’ll be lazing around while they struggle to cram in some study into what is left of their weekend.

So why the late night post, about a topic which I generally try not to touch on? Well, for one thing, there’s the fact that Bukit Tabor is not the safest of all hiking spots. Yes, it is very popular, it gets very heavy traffic on the weekends, and it is not that tall. However, it has pretty unforgiving terrain, so one misstep is all one needs for something bad to happen. Add to that the fact that Bukit Tabor is now notorious for accidents and injuries. A long while ago, two doctors, both experienced hikers, fell 200 metres to their deaths while hiking there. Another hiker fell 100 metres, but trees stopped her fall. Another hiker fell a reasonable distance as well, but survived due to the fall being broken.

Then there’s the fact that it is the rainy season. When it rains, people get messed up. For starters, people pull out their umbrellas and their raincoats or ponchos, all of which hinder movement. Wet weather also means high humidity, which also means more sweat, which drives most people crazy. Crazy people are the kind of people you don’t need when you are looking down a ravine 200 metres in depth. On top of that, a wet environment means damp soil and wet rock surfaces, which are not the kind of surfaces one would want when going on a hike – unless you want to take a roll down.

So if a group of (not-so-sane) batchmates of mine, along with a few of our seniors decide to go out for a hike, why should I worry? Why should I pray? Well, apart from the notorious features of Bukit Tabor and the rainy season, I know these people. My orientation group had about 12 active people, and to the best of my knowledge, 4 of us are going. That’s a full third. I want to see them back in one piece, even though they have chosen, for some absurd reason or other, to go and risk life and limb to go and climb Bukit Tabor during the rainy season.

Need another reason? Well, if you have survived thus far, I guess you deserve to know. She’s going. I’m not surprised. She can run, she is more fit than I am, and she is the type who would go for these kind of things. I prefer to swim in the water. Yeah, sure, I know there a lot of logs out there which move a lot faster than I do, but that’s besides the point; hiking isn’t really my thing, and I’m sure not going to do it at half past four in the morning for a girl (Not unless there are extenuating circumstances… I’ll come up with another excuse some other time)

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have got some important business to do…

Perceived audience

It has been two and a half months since I have written a post for this blog. Call it whatever you want, but I’ll just put it down to bad interruption management. After February, I have had plenty of time to start writing again, but I obviously haven’t - basically it’s because I have been putting my life on hold for one event after another. But that’s another story…

I have for a long time wanted to write, long before I started this blog. One of the main contributors to this desire in me were the opinion columns in ‘The Star’. There, people wrote their views, and I enjoyed reading them. It gave me a different perspective of life, and often, I had views, perspectives and opinions which I wanted the world - or at least the world around me - to hear.

So I started this blog. One thing, however, was that when I started it I realized it would be on the World Wide Web, and be in what some people call public domain. So I decided to post only politically correct stuff, and write my posts such that it is applicable to everyone who reads it, and not just to a certain audience.

However, as time goes by, the number of my friends and other acquaintances grew. And not only that, as one of the major ways of staying connected is through blogs, I realized that I had to cater to the needs of others, rather than just that of my secondary school classmates and friends. So when I write, I have to keep three groups of people on mind; the general average reader, who might somehow stumble upon my blog, my ex-schoolmates and classmates, who have a lsightly higher chance of stumbling upon this, and friends and acquaintances I have from church, especially Jeremiah Schoolers.

However, when most people write online, we do it in a no holds barred manner. We think that the nature of the Internet, that we don’t have to face audience, allows us to get away with criticizing and insulting others behind the cover of anonymity. Or at least, we can say it was done through a screen, that it is less harmful, that we were just venting, fuming, yadayadayada…

The fact is that, sometimes, we get our perceived audience wrong.

When we link up our blog to someone else’s, chances are they’ll return the favour. One of the benefits of the World Wide Web is that if you know where to go to find the correct connections, you’ll be able to find all you need to know about everyone you want to know from the safety and security of your own home. No need to watch them, scout them, tail them.

Half the time they post all their doings and whereabouts, along with photos on their blogs. And if you’re lucky, they’ll post a video or two.

However, coming back to my point: when blogs are linked, it allows a third party, which has an interest in the two parties with linked blogs to go and see what they both are up to. This often upsets the whole “chemical equation” for the perceived audience.

In my opinion, writing a blog should be done in either one of three ways: Either we write as though we have no tomorrow on our feelings, doings and eatings (as some people undoubtedly do), maintain a blog as one’s personal opinion piece or we do it in an abstract way, where we use events, thoughts, observations or logic to put forward an argument.

The reason for this is simple: If we decide to use it as a venting pot, fuming post or shouting wall, there is a slight possibility that the person we are venting, fuming or shouting at might pick up the post through a friend’s of a friend’s of a friend’s blog, and then, well…you get the picture.

As my blog is still rather young and I try not to make it a habit to vent at people here, I think (correct me if I’m wrong) I have yet to touch a nerve. Ok, maybe not in this particular one, and maybe not intentionally, but I try to make my posts as neutral as possible. However, I have come across blogs where the authors neglected the possibility of me ending up there. One of them was the other main contributor for me to start blogging, the other, well, like I said, sometimes, going blog hoping is not good for your health.

Of course, we don’t only have to watch over our shoulders when we blog. We have to do the same thing for our Friendster profiles, Myspace profiles and any other website where we put our face and information online. Nowadays, potential employers look at their potential employee’s profiles to see whether they are all they claim to be. University lecturers check potential student’s profiles to make sure they aren’t doing anything stupid.

Some argue that this is an invasion of privacy. I have to, very vehemently, disagree. When one makes a profile and puts it on the World Wide Web, it’s in the public domain, especially when the website one chooses to use gives one the option to not make it public. This means that anyone who has the correct access (determined by the website provider) will be able to see the said person’s profile/blog. And when I say whoever, it really means whoever.

So when we choose the content for our blogs, profiles, photo albums or anything else available online, we have to really consider whether we want just about anyone to be able to see it. Sure, there are stupider things out there than to put pictures of ourselves in compromising positions (like giving away passwords, PINs and secret question answers) but do you really want to explain to your potential boss the picture of you doing something stupid? I don’t think so…

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers

This post is obviously not part of this block but I have to write it as I owe a friend of mine an explanation. Actually, I sort of owe everyone (or anyone, rather) who reads this blog an explanation for my break in following my preset theme, so here it is.

One fine day, while I was hanging out with some friends, they cracked a joke which I believed was in Japanese. When I asked for an explanation, I was told “You wouldn’t understand”. I took great offense at that.

I have the reputation of being the top student in my class, and arguably, the whole of Upper Six from the school I was in. So I get a lot of requests to help other people academically. I normally don’t turn people down, unless I have an urgent and important piece of work that needs doing and I don’t have a minute to spare. When I did have time to spare, I would help to the utmost limits of my capability. I would only tell a person “You wouldn’t understand,” if I personally did not understand a fact myself. This would normally be limited to only physics questions, as I did not take physics at STPM level.

I felt that the person I asked, a male ex-classmate of mine, owed me an explanation. If I understood something, I would explain it to him to the best of my ability, and here he is saying, I wouldn’t understand, when he understood it perfectly well. Just made my blood boil.

Well, you can’t have everything in life, so I will just take whatever comes my way. But I digress…

I was having a conversation over the phone with another ex-classmate of mine recently. To cut a long story short, she said that it was okay for non-Christians and Christians to be involved in a relationship. Her argument was that Jesus loved everyone.

I decided not to use full blown apologetics against her. Firstly, as we had been friends for quite some time, it would have been an excellent way of chasing her away from me. Most people I know get turned off when the conversation switches to religion, and I was afraid that if I switched to full blown apologetics, it would be a stumbling block in our relationship as friends. I wouldn’t mind using full blown apologetics against a family member, especially one who is the same generation as me, or against a complete stranger, as in the former, the relationship is fixed, while in the latter, there is no relationship to be wrecked. The bottomline? I didn’t want to mess up a friendship.

Secondly, was the fact that in a small part of my head, a voice was saying that, ”She won’t understand.”

If I am to live life as a person of principles, I must do what I feel is right, even when others don’t. It would thus be hypocrisy if I didn’t explain something I understood well when I expect others to do so.

So here goes.

There are two main reasons as to why Christians should not get into relationships with non-Christians. Before December last year, I had, very frankly, no qualms about getting into a relationship with a non-Christian girl, but after YLDP and the first three weeks of Jeremiah School, I now have serious reservations.

The first one is pretty clear: 2 Corinthians 6:14-18. Basically, do not be yoked together with unbelievers. This passage of Scripture is pretty clear about it. Sure, it may only mean marriage, but when BGRs are concerned, where is the end point, hopefully? Even if one says, “It’s okay, as long as you don’t go all the way”, how does one stop a relationship when all seems to be going right, except for the fact that they are religiously ‘incompatible’?

The second reason has its roots in this passage of Scripture: Matthew 19:4-6. Marriage is supposed to bring two people and make them one. This is so that the image of Triune God can be shown on Earth; two different people working as one, mirroring the image of the God the Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit working as one. If a Christian and a non-Christian are married together, how will they be able to show the communion and the unity that God the Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit share, especially when it comes to religion?

I know that most of these arguments are post-nuptial, rather than pre-nuptial, and as such, one might argue that these arguments should not hold for BGRs. However, as I said earlier, what is the ultimate endpoint of such a relationship?

However, the Bible is also very clear about those who are already involved in such a relationship. The only trouble is, what does one do when one has one foot into starting a relationship (note that the relationship hasn’t started yet) when one gets such information? To pull out, as one should, or to commit, when all it could cause is more pain, short or long term…talk about feelings…sigh…

“Be extraordinary”

I watch Grey’s Anatomy. Well, at least the show. I can’t watch a book, obviously. The phrase ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ is taken from a book written by one Doctor Gray, who described, in greater detail than those before him, the human body. So Gray’s Anatomy was a surgical textbook for many years (I am talking about the book, if you haven’t realized already).

Going back to what I watch, I have followed the show since the middle of season two. I would have followed it from the start of season two, except for the fact that it had a time slot which so happened to coincide with my dinner after I returned home from my grandma’s place every week, so I missed the first half of season two. But I have watched most of the episodes since then.

If you watch Grey’s Anatomy because of the guy’s or the girl’s physique, well, that’s your way of looking at the show. I personally enjoy the way the show uses the events in the days of the characters, and uses them to put forward a theme. Of course, I stay for the conflicts and the relationships which develop between the characters, but that’s mostly secondary.

Now time to get down to business.

The title character, Meredith Grey, is the daughter of a well-known surgeon, Dr. Ellis Grey, who was more devoted to her work than her family. She started cheating on her husband with another married doctor while she was at work, but the other doctor, eventually, told her that he had to go back to his wife.

Depressed, Ellis Grey attempted suicide. After she had slit her wrists, she told her daughter, Meredith Grey, to “Be extraordinary”. Meredith waited until her mother had passed out before she called the emergency services. To cut a long story short, her mother survived the ordeal, and died much later on in life, but ever since then, Meredith had always tried to live up to her mother’s request.

So Meredith became extraordinary in the only way she knew how; after living with a workaholic mother who was a surgeon for many years, she too became a surgeon, and did her best to be the best.

However, she always flirted with danger. While most people would run away from a person with a bomb, she went towards him/her. I don’t know what exactly transpired, as that was at the beginning of season 2…sigh….

Then, when she was pushed into the cold, frigid waters of a river in winter, instead of getting herself out when she surfaced, she allowed herself to sink back into the water.

So she ended up going for counseling towards the end of season 4, partly because of her suicidal behavior, partly because of her mother’s death. Through a long, dramatic, theatrical process (which makes for better drama than for reality), she had to finally come to terms with what happened when her mother attempted suicide and the effects it had on her.

The person counseling her was, of course, a psychiatrist. So she pointed out that Meredith had all the tools she needed to figure out her mother’s state of mind when her mother attempted to commit suicide. Both were surgeons, who were extremely devoted to their work, and had problems with holding a relationship.

So after some soul searching, she finally discovered a few facts; if her mother had wanted to die, she would have slashed the carotid artery rather than her wrists. So her mother didn’t really want to die; she only wanted to get her lover’s attention by attempting suicide. The psychiatrist then told her that she could learn from her mother’s mistakes.

Meredith then realized then when her mother told her to be ‘extraordinary’, it was not with respect to work, but rather, with respect to relationships. Her mother had failed in every way possible; she had a husband who left her and a lover who wanted to go back to his own wife. She wanted Meredith to be extraordinary with people and family, not just work.

When we hear something from people, we put it into context. This normally allows us to bring out the complete, whole and true meaning of what a person is saying. However, when the context we choose to put a person’s words in is wrong, we lose the meaning altogether.

Children look up to their parents for direction, wisdom and security. Thus, it is only natural for us to do what our parents do, or to see the wisdom of this world from our parents view. However, as we grow up, we see more of the world than we originally saw, and we might neglect to see the wisdom of this world in the light of the new perspective we obtain.

Meredith Grey put her mother’s words in the only context she knew: as a surgeon. Then, following in her mother’s footsteps, she became a surgeon and tried to be extraordinary, although she was missing out the entire point of her mother’s words.

When she finally realized what the words meant, she found the freedom to be free from her bad memories.

I believe it is the same for us too. When we are told something, wrap our minds around it, then go about life stumbling around because we have a mental block as to what it could mean, we find that something is missing. But when we find out what it actually means, then we find more meaning to it, and life in general, and liberated from what used to be a stumbling block for us to grow further.

Kevin and Anton

Kevin Phang Khein Khei is a friend of mine from SMK USJ 12. I believed, when I left school, that he would be the future Head Prefect. However, after I left, the USJ 12 Prefect Board has changed dramatically. I haven’t met any of the teachers who were responsible for the change since then. Okay, I‘m exaggerating, I probably did meet them when I collected my prize for my SPM performance, but I haven’t spoken to them since I was in Form 5.

The closest I got to speaking to one of them would be Puan Teng, who was invigilating the SPM examination at Seafield. I saw her on the day when I had Bio 2, but I chose not to talk to her as I needed to revise…sigh, why must, of all the ecology topics, it must be the ones I didn’t read which came out?

But I digress. Point is, I don’t know how much the Prefect Board has changed since then.

Wait a second…Let me hold that thought. I did speak to not one, but two of them in Lower Six…Puan Cheah and Puan Ong, but then again, the topic was not about the Prefect Board, it was about me doing Form 6. Nevertheless, I still don’t know what has become of the Board since I left.

I bumped into Kevin recently. If I’m not mistaken, it was New Year’s Eve. He himself has stopped caring about the Board, but then again, I guess if I had been passed over, pushed around and struck down, I would too.

To me, back then at least, Kevin would always be a schoolboy, still in SMK USJ 12, not yet having finished his PMR examination. And I would treat him as such. Just a kid, I would think.

Anton was the Head Prefect (Boys) for SMK Seafield for the 2007/2008 session. Whenever I interacted with him, I always treated him as an equal rather than as a person younger than me, even though I am a full year older than him and two years his senior. Somehow, as he would always be more Seafieldian than me, I always believed that he deserved to be treated a bit more maturely.

The catch is this. Both of them finished their SPM last year, and are the same age. However, I would have been inclined to treat them differently before December last year.

Part of the reason for this has to do with who I perceived they are. When I left USJ 12, Kevin was still in USJ 12, just past PMR. I guess a part of me still felt that he was still there and hadn’t progresses since then. Besides, as I haven’t had much contact with him since then, I haven’t been able to change my perception of him.

When I first met Anton, however, he was a Forth Former running for Head Prefect. So I always felt that he deserved to be treated in a more matured manner than Kevin, even though they were of equivalent age and seniority. You may say that I had a mental block with regards to Kevin’s development; I couldn’t get myself to believe that he could grow up.

Most of this mentality changed when I went for YLDP : 18-UP last year. I was interacting with people 18 and above, and most of them were college students. College students are, in general, more independent than their Form 6 counterparts. So I received a sort of mini culture shock that time. I had to change the way I interacted with people as these were adults, and the kind of topics they would choose were different compared to those a Fifth Former would choose.

Sixth Formers, on the other hand, who spent more time in school rather than in college, tend to choose topics more towards those a Fifth Former would choose. We maintain a certain kidlike mentality. Part of this is due to the fact that in Form 6, we are, to a certain extent, still treated like kids. So we don’t become like an adult as fast.

At 18-UP, I had to constantly remind myself that these weren’t kids I was dealing with; these were adults. So after finally adjusting my thought processes, I am finally able to overcome my mental block with Kevin. When I did speak with him on New Year’s Eve, I tried to keep it as adult as possible.

Now, however, I am feeling the need to do the complete opposite. Most of the people I will interact with over the next month and during the past month are SPM leavers, and as such, they still behave like small kids. I now have problems going back to a level where I may interact with small kids, and I constantly amuse myself over their worries: SPM, college, etc…mainly because I have been through the fire and I’m fine.

Interactions with people is a complex business. When we get too old for them, we sound like dinosaurs, or just laugh at their seemingly “petty” worries. When we find that we are behaving too childishly for our audience, we are normally able to grow up, at an astonishing rate, as we catch up on what we have missed out while we were away, or doing Form 6. However, it’s going back down a level, which is harder to do.

Sometimes, as elders, we often forget that we were young once, and, as such, have lost touch with the more youthful side of ourselves. Young people cannot be guilty of not knowing how it feels to be older, but elders are guilty, to a certain extent, if they forget what it feels like to be young. I guess it’s easy to write about, but it’s harder to do. As the age gap between me and the people I will have to interact with is, thankfully, small, so too will the generational gap. It just feels a bit weird, after having to adapt to a more adult-like situation at a youth camp, to throw all that away for a more youth-like situation at a school…but then again, I chose to go post-STPM, so I guess I have no one else to blame.

At least now I will learn to be more flexible when I talk to people not my age group...